Tuesday 7th March 2017 – Invisible

How do you get friends to notice you. They ignore me. Maybe because their more popular. Maybe because they’re too good for me. But still. I thought they were my best friends but instead they dump me for popular lying bitches. I thought I was something more than an invisible class mate to them. They walk into the room and stare right past me. Maybe I’m too shy, quiet. I mean nobody ever reads these blogs so I am probably just another crappy writer. I mean whats the point in life without friends.

Jinx

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Wednesday 8th June – Loosers

Heya!

So today was yet, another boring day at school. Pointless old school. I know I may seem a little old, but me and my friends competed at a rounders tournament – We lost – even though we were against the best team at my school, we lost by only a rounder. They were extremely cocky, rude and arrogant. “OBSTRUCTION – MISS, TAKE A ROUNDER OFF – OBSTRUCTION.” Like really? I mean I was playing against 16 year olds who whined and won the umpire over to win. Anyway. I got hurt pretty bad. My knees are all bruised and my arms are muddy. I was going to go to this party my friends desperately tried to persuade me to go to, but with all these bruises, they’ll think I’m a complete, loser…

 

Jinx xxx

 

Friday 3rd of June – Eddie

Hi.

Half Term has rolled around again. Pity I have to spend all of it away from my beloved horse. You might call me ungrateful getting to go on holiday for a week, but theres really nothing more I’d love to be with him. Its overcast on our last day. My Mother is intent on using up the high tide for herself, me and my brother would very much like to use it for ourselves, to spend the hour or two exploring. Its colder, it wasn’t warm yesterday but It was t-shirt weather. Not today though. Theres a spider above me and I swear it moving closer and closer, I dislike spiders. I would never use the word ‘hate’ because it is a strong word that is taken like its not. I’d say I hate spiders and you’d laugh, because its not taken realistically. Still, I dislike them, with passion.

 

My friend is bragging about her time at home, my phone goes bing, bing EVERY SECOND.

Thanks for reading nobodies.

Jinx

Friday May 13th – Nobody

Hey…

Ended exams. They’re finished, done for. It feels as though there are more to come, which there are, but soon. The whole process was so intimidating that I’m not sure what to think. So exhausted. So so exhausted, and I don’t even get a restful weekend. Tomorrow I’m giving a friend a second opinion on a horse she wants to buy. Then my really REALLY good friend is coming over over for the night. (I have known him since we were 4 months old) and then on Sunday I am working. 

The wind is howling and the sky is dark but I still find beauty in the country sky. The clouds are blocking the moon yet there is still light. But its pitch black. The only light is of this computer screen, which will soon fade. 

Go for gold

Try your best

For you have skills

GCSE’S can’t test

Love you all. I love all the nobodies. I am an undiscovered blog it seems. I have had no views since I started 4 months ago. 

Jinx xxx

Monday May 9th – Horse X

Hey Readers…

So, exam season eh. Not feeling very confident in myself as usual but I have a feeling that this year will be particularly bitter. I went to Badminton CCI**** Horse trials on Sunday. Maybe me and my horse (Horse X) will compete there someday. Some german dude won the Grand Slam, the first time since Pippa Funnel. I don’t think I could ever get round a course with thousands of people watching, just waiting to judge you, or wait for you to mess up or fall. My greatest sympathy to all the ‘Ooh’s and Ahh’s’ but not even I could bare to sit through that. Horse X could never do that though, he’s too, skittish, spooky and witty. Better a witty fool than a foolish wit eh? It was hard, just to walk the course. It was crowded and hot. Anyway. Back to exams. This week will be tough. But all I know is that I did my best and I cannot do more. I feel so unsure of myself I don’t even want to know my scores. I don’t want anyone to be disappointed in me. I don’t want to feel that I could of done better. So I am going to go in with my head held high, nothing to be ashamed of. Although I do. I have alot.

I wish everyone luck in their exams if they have them. And I wish you confidence, a gift I do not posses.

Jinx xxx

26th April – ‘Me’

How do you get over someone you miss terribly and will stay in your heart forever no matter how much you try to forget. How? I feel like I’m living a horror story. “Stay true to yourself, or be no one at all” Its funny, I actually bought a phone case the other day off Amazon and it said “Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn, then, ALWAYS be a unicorn” – This will  never happen right now : Or maybe ever, I feel like ‘Me’ doesn’t exist. But if ‘Me’ existed then none of the above would’ve happened. Sometimes I think I think too much, I’m too philosophical, too, Anxious, and thats why he’s gone. I can’t help but blame myself.

Blame myself.

This blog is helping my Anxiety, and at least no one knows who I am and I can talk freely about it. It feels like I am writing a story, a story and no one knows the Author too. I am Author X although I prefer to be called Jinx. I don’t want people to know my real name because they might make the link. I am enjoying talking about my Anxiety, anonymously. I think I am enjoying being, not me…

Jinx xxx

1st of April – Hopeless Innocence

1st post. I think I’m going to like doing this, this Blog, it might be the start for me. Many of you guys don’t  know but I suffer from Anxiety, its horrible. I had another panic attack today. You know, when you feel you can’t breathe. Its because I was persuaded to this festival. It was like a party and concert in one and I just couldn’t deal with it. I made such a fool of myself. I ended up throwing up on this really cute boy. It was weird but I’m not gonna go into too many details, especially on my first flippin Blog. I came up with a name today. I don’t know if anyone would want to use it but, its ‘Hopeless Innocence’. Might just be me, but I feel like its so philosophical, you don’t really know what to think. Thats what I think some people think about me sometimes. “I don’t know what to think of this unstable girl” Until next time.

C Jinx